What Does it Mean to be a Father? (18 month edition)

One day my friends and family might read this.  They'll have an idea about what I was thinking at the time and while personality does play a large factor in your parenting style, your ambitions as a parent play a large role as well.

I can remember vividly when Theo was born.  I'm standing in this sanitized white room with stainless steel everywhere trying to figure out what my purpose was with the baby.  My purpose with the mom was to encourage, support, bend her in half when asked, cut the cord, and generally just do what was asked.  But what do I do with a minutes old baby?

I didn't want him to simply go to the doctors without even saying, "Hello," but then again, why would I say, "Hello?"  The little guy doesn't have a clue what's going on.  He's still probably wondering why he left his cozy, warm, even more sterile home.

So I counted his toes and fingers.

Then I panicked that his eyes went in every direction.

Then I worried that his legs made a big O when his feet touched.  (The doctors assured me condescendingly that it would be okay.)

Theo had been taken to N. I. C. U. as we waited for Sol to come out.  An hour and half later he was finally forced out by my lovely wife who could've pushed an aircraft carrier... I'll just stop there since my friends and family might read this.

Where it all happened.

While the labor and deliveries weren't horrible whatever it is that doctors do to put the mother back together caused immense pain to my wife.  It was the one moment I actually thought of something to do.

The doctors had placed Theo and Sol on her chest moments after their birth.  In this case though, while Theo rested in another room, Sol remained under a lamp in the labor and delivery room with us.  I brought Sol back to his mother and laid him on her chest for a second time to soothe her while she writhed in pain.

It was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen.  There's a magic to being a good mother of which I wish I had.  Despite the pain she was in all she cared about was reassuring her son with affirming and encouraging words.  Her pain subsided.

Those earliest moments reinforced in me that I'm a doer.

I learn best through doing (usually failing, but doing).  I most confidently express love through doing.  I even express my faith most courageously through doing.

That same faith has taught me a great deal about being... simply being still... listening... appreciating... calming down... being quiet... ... ... ... breathing... letting my soul rest.

If there's one thing I've tried to teach and model to a couple of babies that have grown into 18 month olds is how to be.

That probably sounds absurd!  How do you teach a baby to be present?

Needless to say I'm not totally sure but Theo and Sol, if you ever read this, know that I'm trying.

These two guys will grow up in a world that is overworked and overly stressed.  While only 26% of Americans think they work too hard even more of us are not just stressed with our work, we're depressed because of it.  It should be added that pastors and those working for the church are no better and might even be worse!

People are proud to be first AND last out the door even though its proven to help very little in advancing your career.

Over the past 18 months we've had regular times of silence, simply sitting outside with nothing in our hands, watching the leaves sway in the wind.  We leave the TV off as much as possible.  We try our best to eat our meals with you, not before or after you.

We take you on trips, day trips, weekend trips, week long trips, not to entertain you but to display a rhythm of life that values slowing down and enjoying each others company.  At least that's our excuse for not leaving the room very often!

My favorite times with you right now are our Sundays spent first with our church family, then with just the 4 of us and Joey walking along the beach, exploring the sand and whatever other nasty debris has washed up on shore.  We enjoy a quiet meal at the pub and head home refreshed.

First time we ever went out to eat on public, the public house.

Your soul is nourished not simply by the chance to celebrate life and worship with our church family, its also nourished by the fellowship of our family, by the embrace of nature, by the quiet words coming from God that are only heard when we (or you) pause.  That will fill your soul.  That will keep you going.

There are lots of things I hope you learn and grow into.  There are lots of things I'm trying to model for you.

I've written enough.  Others will have to wait until you get older...

Smacking Cheesecake #22: all-white uniforms are not practical at all.

Trump Thoughts: Started out as a publicity stunt... Then Iowa.

Bracket Buster Beware: Iona Gaels

Beware Frodo, The Cheesecake Factory is Watching

Sometimes I wonder how people end up going to The Cheesecake Factory regularly.  Is it the familiarity?  Is it chronic obesity?  Is it the Everything Pizza which actually only has 5 toppings?  (Because you know, 5 toppings is everything you can put on a pizza.)

During a recent nightmare it dawned on me how The Cheesecake Factory attracts people to its restaurant, errrrrr factory.  Its because The Cheesecake Factory is run by Sauron, the evil beast of Middle-earth.  The Eye of Sauron is everywhere in the place.

maybe now people will start to take this blog seriously

For those of us carrying the light of the Ring in our hearts, an educated palate, a yearning for a meal that isn't oversalted or double buttered, a meal that can be enjoyed with conversation not at a deafening level, we feel the torment in our souls when walking into The Cheesecake Factory.  I wonder how many others have felt that sense of unease upon walking into the cavernous dwellings only to be given a pager and politely told to browse the mall nearby.

How could you be so kind to have me peruse the mall while waiting on a table.  At most fine dining establisments I'm eithered offered a place at the bar or am forced to sit and actually talk to the rest of my party.

But you've offered me the option of walking around and looking at sale priced items reduced to their original price after mark-up?  What kind of Jedi mind-tricks are you playing here?  You mean I don't have to talk to my dinner party?  You mean we can meander around the mall and then sit in your noisy environment causing us to speed up our meal and focus entirely on our clogging arteries?

Guess you're right.  I suppose I don't want to wait 45 minutes with this guy.

What's that?!  O, you want to save room for cheesecake?!  Me too?!  Sure, I'll share a piece with you!  What?!  I like the anything with chocolate!  You hear me?!  Choc!  O!  Lat!

Its a wonder our eyes are transfixed on this ambient lit place.  We've all been there.  You walk in, the lighting is just perfect; maybe too perfect.  The waitstaff is clean and presentable; maybe too presentable.  You notice they have 50 things on the menu that you like ordering everywhere else you got eat and you think, "They have so many things I like here;" maybe too many things.

We've been seduced by the Eye of Sauron.  Somewhere in the world is a Cheesecake Factory underground bunker where I'm sure there's a monitor for every eye you'll find in each of The Cheesecake Factory franchises.

They're watching us. They're studying us.  They're luring us.  We only have one option... throw the Ring, The Cheesecake Factory, into the eternal fire and never look back.  We'll be home celebrating like old times in no time.

Fantasy Football Advice #3: Handcuffs are for wimps.

Why I blog #6:  Useful distraction from my (re)ordination essays.

Ken Ham vs Michael Gungor: Ken Ham gives conservatives and

 creationists a bad name.

The Little Things: "You Can't Cry Now"

So my good friend Cara Meredith asked if I'd write for her blog again.  That's still a pretty flattering thing.  Granted, its only a blog but if you stink then people surely won't want you back... unless its out of pity.  Let's hope that's not it.

After catching up on my be.mama.be reading I felt compelled to put to written words a story for the first time--the death of my father.  While I've talked about it oftentimes in conversations and even up front in front of an audience on occassion it was a different feeling altogether.  For the first time in a long time I got kind of teary-eyed writing about it. 

Please go check it out over here at this direct link:

http://carameredith.com/2014/04/29/the-little-things-you-cant-cry-now-jeff-shankle/

You may notice this post and link are later than the post on Cara's blog.  Well, after you write an "(open) love letter" to your wife am I really going to knock it down from the top slot that soon after?

Smacking Cheesecake #21:  The Cheesecake Factory uses eggs from chickens crammed into battery cages so small, each hen has less space than a sheet of paper to spend her entire life.

Possible baby names according to preschoolers:  Zee-yaa and Vivian

An (open) Love Letter to My Wife

It seems like forever ago but you could count it in weeks.  We'd been pondering whether all the "signs" were indeed pregnancy.  The doctors confirmed we were preggos.  And then we sat in the worship service about to "testify" that we had a joy.

You stood up and told everyone the news and started to cry, joyfully.  Then you sat down, clutched my arm, and had the biggest smile.

Then this happened.

I so love that about you.  That you're the kind of person that regularly cries tears of joy.

Some people out there have no idea that the same woman that cries tears of joy in public places is the same woman that puts on conferences for 100s of people.  Mingles with top researchers, doctors, heads of boards and such.  She's the same person that has basically reached the top of her profession.

I so love the fact that there is a person in the world that is so talented and driven but still cries in public.  I can't think of anyone else like that.

You should know that you're going to be a great mother.  You're already a great aunt, sister, daughter, friend, and wife.  Everyone loves you and talks so highly of you.  People envy you.  People look up to you and if they don't they still look to you when they need someone.

Seeing how you're taking care of the babies before they've even been born is so awesome.  I mean, who eats at such deliberately paced intervals in this chaotic life?  You do apparently!  And not only that, you've been doing so healthfully.

I'll never forget reading that evaluation I got from you when we first worked together.  (Thanks for finding a hard copy by the way.)  I'd probably received close to 1000 evaluations for different things over the years.  Never had there been one that provided the necessary information but also had such a personal tone.  You actually seemed to really know the people you were working with we'd sent you.  You knew their names and personalities and everything.

When you pray you pause at moments.  Its like I can hear the Spirit editing your prayers as you go.  You heart is laid bare on the altar for God to do whatever with.  You show more boldness in those moments than so many people with far more "right answers" or "righteous" lives.

So many times you've sat and listened to people talk about their elderly loved ones and you held their hand.  Everyone watching could tell that they were being encouraged.  Everyone that talked to them afterwards knew they were smarter for talking to you.

You've done that for so many others, the least of which is me.  When I've had my own moments of panic and depression you were patient when it was needed and you helped me focus when I needed it.  I can't help but think of our children going through valleys in their own lives and knowing there's at least one parent in our household that can walk it well with them.



I first noticed you because you're beautiful.  Then you were charming.  Then you were funny, intelligent, driven (You ran a freakin' marathon with pneumonia!), and committed.  You've been committed to this crazy life that you're crazy husband has dropped into your very deliberate life.

I still notice your beauty the first thing as I walk in the door.  You're still funny (usually :-)).  You're still smart.  You're still driven.

You're simply one of a kind and that's what I love about you and why, if I were to ever marry someone and have children it would have to be with you.

I love you kiddo.

Thoughts on Donald Sterling:  "Whatever is said in secret

will be shouted from rooftops."  -Jesus

Smacking Cheesecake #20:  Jenn likes "that" place.  Its her

only flaw

Why I blog #5:  An easy place to profess love

Food is Art, Not a Factory

You're out of town, out of state, even out of the country!  You feel like you need some grub so for some odd ball reason you go to the Cheesecake Factory.  Well, what do you know?  They have the same 500 things on the menu that they do at all the others.  Same crowds, some menu, same speed... same junk.

There's something awesome about how Ray Kroc and the rest came along decades ago and took the Ford model of factory workmanship and created the Fast Food machine we have today.  I mean c'mon... who among us never has 1100pm drive-thru french fry cravings, used the $1 menu to get over grief, or sped from one meeting to the next with one hand on the wheel and one on a Whopper or Big Mac?

Multi-tasking

Can someone explain to me how this is any different than your run-of-the-mill McDonald's, KFC, or Taco Bell?  O' wait, got it, its a sit down restaurant.  So we're going to have to ballpark it with the Applebee's, T.G.I.Fridays, and Olive Garden's of the world.  I mean, that's where you'll find the gift cards at your local grocery store at least.

If the Cheesecake Factory portrayed itself as the generic eating establishment it is nobody would have a problem.  Instead all we ever hear about is how "fresh" everything is and their long quality control lists.  Sometimes you can't tell if you're listening to a grown adult rap about Spicy Chicken Chipotle Pasta or a middle school girl defend Justin Beiber's cocaine habit.  It just makes you wonder if Dr. Dre ever told Snoop, "Nah, I wouldn't experiment like that.  Let's not push the envelope here.  This is art!"

If you can make a Dr. Dre to Aunt Bee transition the please help.

Art is not something only for experts though.  Hopefully we all still have these moments: Someone is cooking and you're the sous chef, the novice, the JV team doing some hands-on learning.  Generally it happens with family.  Maybe its your grandmother, maybe your father, maybe even your uncle [wink].

"You put a little bit in at the time."

"I just sprinkle about this much in my hand."

"You gotta keep your eye on it or it might burn."  "But how long do I stir?"  "Until it looks right."

So don't think that only the experts can create great food... great art in the kitchen.  Have you heard of "mom and pop?"

Just a couple weeks ago my niece and nephew were breaking some green beans and they asked a very reasonable question, "How big should it be?"  It took so much joy to let them be creative and say, "Its kind of up to you.  Just be sure you break the ends off."

Can the Cheesecake Factory please take a note of this before it tries convincing us that what they serve is either "family style," "haute cuisine," or especially art?  What you put on the plate could just as easily be produced by an engineer as it could a cook.  (No offense to the engineers :-))

Thoughts on Richard Sherman:  Compton born, 

Stanford educated

Best Things About Jenn #3:  While house sitting, she 

packs and organizes nearly everything so I can keep 

my routines

Words to Get Rid Of #2:  Twerking