Beware Frodo, The Cheesecake Factory is Watching

Sometimes I wonder how people end up going to The Cheesecake Factory regularly.  Is it the familiarity?  Is it chronic obesity?  Is it the Everything Pizza which actually only has 5 toppings?  (Because you know, 5 toppings is everything you can put on a pizza.)

During a recent nightmare it dawned on me how The Cheesecake Factory attracts people to its restaurant, errrrrr factory.  Its because The Cheesecake Factory is run by Sauron, the evil beast of Middle-earth.  The Eye of Sauron is everywhere in the place.

maybe now people will start to take this blog seriously

For those of us carrying the light of the Ring in our hearts, an educated palate, a yearning for a meal that isn't oversalted or double buttered, a meal that can be enjoyed with conversation not at a deafening level, we feel the torment in our souls when walking into The Cheesecake Factory.  I wonder how many others have felt that sense of unease upon walking into the cavernous dwellings only to be given a pager and politely told to browse the mall nearby.

How could you be so kind to have me peruse the mall while waiting on a table.  At most fine dining establisments I'm eithered offered a place at the bar or am forced to sit and actually talk to the rest of my party.

But you've offered me the option of walking around and looking at sale priced items reduced to their original price after mark-up?  What kind of Jedi mind-tricks are you playing here?  You mean I don't have to talk to my dinner party?  You mean we can meander around the mall and then sit in your noisy environment causing us to speed up our meal and focus entirely on our clogging arteries?

Guess you're right.  I suppose I don't want to wait 45 minutes with this guy.

What's that?!  O, you want to save room for cheesecake?!  Me too?!  Sure, I'll share a piece with you!  What?!  I like the anything with chocolate!  You hear me?!  Choc!  O!  Lat!

Its a wonder our eyes are transfixed on this ambient lit place.  We've all been there.  You walk in, the lighting is just perfect; maybe too perfect.  The waitstaff is clean and presentable; maybe too presentable.  You notice they have 50 things on the menu that you like ordering everywhere else you got eat and you think, "They have so many things I like here;" maybe too many things.

We've been seduced by the Eye of Sauron.  Somewhere in the world is a Cheesecake Factory underground bunker where I'm sure there's a monitor for every eye you'll find in each of The Cheesecake Factory franchises.

They're watching us. They're studying us.  They're luring us.  We only have one option... throw the Ring, The Cheesecake Factory, into the eternal fire and never look back.  We'll be home celebrating like old times in no time.

Fantasy Football Advice #3: Handcuffs are for wimps.

Why I blog #6:  Useful distraction from my (re)ordination essays.

Ken Ham vs Michael Gungor: Ken Ham gives conservatives and

 creationists a bad name.

Cheesecake Factory is Going Down (this is reality)

Nothing makes you feel more self-righteous, more big-headed, more full of your own self-worth than someone you barely know saying they enjoy reading your blog.  I mean, we're not even Facebook friends.  If that person, in your own mind at least, wouldn't be the kind of person you'd peg as a person interested in reading your ramblings that's all the more reason to think you're awesome.  So since that happened to me over the past month or so I decided that I better get back to writing about things only I care about, the demise of the Cheesecake Factory.  Hopefully people will continue to ignore me and then I'll be able to get back to the hard work of learning humility.

I like reading things like Fast Company and Inc. and from time to time the stock reports.  Entrepreneurialism is so fascinating to me.  In any case, during that reading I was extremely excited to find out that yes, as noted in the bottom line of the most recent installment of Smacking Cheesecake the Cheesecake Factory is starting to go down... as in their stock (CAKE) is not meeting prognosticator expectations.  Thus, investment dollars are starting to go elsewhere and the Kingdom of Heaven is certainly advancing on earth.  

Who is responsible for this?  Take a look for yourself:

click it and hear the full story

The stock basically topped out somewhere around July which coincidentally corresponds with the Smacking Cheesecake blog on the ridiculously long menu at the Cheesecake Factory.  Furthermore, the leveling out of interest in Cheesecake Factory stock took place in February which also happens to be about the time of the start of this blog.  That first entry began by pointing out just a bit of the awfulness of the Cheesecake Factory.  Irony?  Coincidence?  Pssst, please.

What does this all mean?  What exactly is being inferred here?  Hey, if a 64 year old woman can become the first person to swim 110 miles, in 52 hours from Cuba to Florida then a little blog like this one can bring down a seemingly constant gluttonous let-down in fine dining, The Cheesecake Factory.  It may have taken several months for this blog to take its affect on the corporate behemoth; however, just like Diana Nyad's struggles with jellyfish, sharks, and vomiting, this little blog can handle some writers block and lack of attention.

Jellyfish stings, writers block, laziness, don't you see the correlation?

Apparently investors are worried that the Cheesecake Factory is overextending itself... in other words the company is becoming the menu and their customers waistlines.  As Cheesecake Factory extends into Latin America they are losing quality and a focus on their domestic strengths.  

What's the the take away then here boys and girls?  When Diana Nyad hits the water sharks head for land.  And when the Cheesecake Factory tries to spread its sub-par flavors and inartistic factory style kitchens to the masses, the masses will eventually say, "Enough!"  (Or at least the stock market analysts will)

Fantasy Football Advice #2: Somebody in New England 

has got to catch the ball.

That's All I'm Sayin #1: Beth Moore's minions eat at 

the Cheesecake Factory

My Sister's Review of this Blog:  "You're losing it old man."