Beware Frodo, The Cheesecake Factory is Watching

Sometimes I wonder how people end up going to The Cheesecake Factory regularly.  Is it the familiarity?  Is it chronic obesity?  Is it the Everything Pizza which actually only has 5 toppings?  (Because you know, 5 toppings is everything you can put on a pizza.)

During a recent nightmare it dawned on me how The Cheesecake Factory attracts people to its restaurant, errrrrr factory.  Its because The Cheesecake Factory is run by Sauron, the evil beast of Middle-earth.  The Eye of Sauron is everywhere in the place.

maybe now people will start to take this blog seriously

For those of us carrying the light of the Ring in our hearts, an educated palate, a yearning for a meal that isn't oversalted or double buttered, a meal that can be enjoyed with conversation not at a deafening level, we feel the torment in our souls when walking into The Cheesecake Factory.  I wonder how many others have felt that sense of unease upon walking into the cavernous dwellings only to be given a pager and politely told to browse the mall nearby.

How could you be so kind to have me peruse the mall while waiting on a table.  At most fine dining establisments I'm eithered offered a place at the bar or am forced to sit and actually talk to the rest of my party.

But you've offered me the option of walking around and looking at sale priced items reduced to their original price after mark-up?  What kind of Jedi mind-tricks are you playing here?  You mean I don't have to talk to my dinner party?  You mean we can meander around the mall and then sit in your noisy environment causing us to speed up our meal and focus entirely on our clogging arteries?

Guess you're right.  I suppose I don't want to wait 45 minutes with this guy.

What's that?!  O, you want to save room for cheesecake?!  Me too?!  Sure, I'll share a piece with you!  What?!  I like the anything with chocolate!  You hear me?!  Choc!  O!  Lat!

Its a wonder our eyes are transfixed on this ambient lit place.  We've all been there.  You walk in, the lighting is just perfect; maybe too perfect.  The waitstaff is clean and presentable; maybe too presentable.  You notice they have 50 things on the menu that you like ordering everywhere else you got eat and you think, "They have so many things I like here;" maybe too many things.

We've been seduced by the Eye of Sauron.  Somewhere in the world is a Cheesecake Factory underground bunker where I'm sure there's a monitor for every eye you'll find in each of The Cheesecake Factory franchises.

They're watching us. They're studying us.  They're luring us.  We only have one option... throw the Ring, The Cheesecake Factory, into the eternal fire and never look back.  We'll be home celebrating like old times in no time.

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