The $#@%-ing Pastor Who Likes to ?$%& and &#!$ That

For some reason over the past handful of years I've heard more and more pastors and especially youth pastors dropping s***, b***s***, h-e-double hockey sticks, d***, and yes even the atomic f-bomb on unsuspecting church folks.  Part of me wonders if its because when I was a youth I only heard youthful talk in churches and such.  Profanity laced tirades were reserved for coaches and my parents... and by parents I mean my father.  But especially during the year 2013 I'm realizing its simply the new normal.  Apparently its cool to cuss now for pastor-types.  Its like the new spiky high-lighted hair.

Stop calling me a #$%-ing heretic!

I'm not a big foul language guy.  My wife can attest that if I tried to dig deep and drop a d*** or bulls*** its sounds like some kind of a nerd trying to intimidate some thugs with weapons.  It only serves to make me sound even more ridiculous than I normally would.  So I stick to using uninspiring language.  I'll even try to climb atop my moral perch and convince myself that I don't need to use those kinds of words because my arguments are so intellectually superior.  I like to back this up by not laughing at comedians who cuss a lot.  I then smugly tell everyone that the only thing that makes them funny is their use of the #&%@ (I'm talking to you South Park).  Its all just uneducated humor.

Its tough being an Evangelical and living in America.  Its pressed upon you early in training that if you have more people seated in your pews then God is blessing your ministry.  If its empty then God apparently hates you... or at least is teaching how to change.  More equals better.  A similar thing is true for us Americans as a whole.  We may be miserable 24 hours a day but if we make lots of money then we are a success story.  Again, more equals better.  Eventually you start thinking "by any means necessary."  Is this the kind of thinking that inspires us to use profanity to drive ideas home?

Some people will tell you that they are simply passionate and they are only using the language of the culture in which they serve.  What is profane to you may not be to someone else.  There's a sort of cultural relativism (those two words could be classified as profane in some theological circles) that gives you freedom to say, "Don't you see?  Sin is what causes all the s*** in our lives," or "You should go home and say to your wife, 'd*** you're hot!'"

Ladies and gentleman, the infamous "Cussing Pastor"  Apparently his wife is "d*** hot."

I suppose there are people who are being completely sincere in this.  And yes, I'll agree that there is a surprising amount (by surprising we mean more than once) of profanity in the Bible.  One of my personal favs comes from Samuel of the Old Testament throwing down the ancient version of a "yo momma joke."  But this must beg the question that if certain things we're acceptable for cultures during Biblical times (such as refusing shellfish, marrying your cousin, et al) and aren't acceptable in today's world then how far can we take Samuel's example?  You know, we've progressed as a people and stuff... right?  I guess that only counts when it fits our personality.  John MacArthur likes to play pulpit police and goes a step further than I would in describing "cussing pastors."

Maybe the potty-mouthed church worker is simply working with a deeper repertoire of rhetoric.  Maybe the f-bomb is the atomic bomb that may cause lots of collateral damage but will save you of having to teach the same lesson over and over and over again.  President Harry Truman thought destroying two cities full of people was less awful than potentially losing millions more in another invasion.  From my first hand experiences with pastors and youth pastors using profanity it did seem like a very deliberate decision.  As if they were thinking, "I'm not going to continue to rehash this subject.  We're going all %$#&-ing in right now and that's it."  What's done is done and we can start moving on to other matters of Heavenly work.

would be more fun if he was preaching

Surely there are lots of people out there who also use profanity freely in part because they feel liberated by the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  Its just that its a curious thing that for 2000 years (and further back depending on your theology) millions of people have felt liberated by the grace of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and only over the past 10 - 20 of those 2000+ years have people been compelled to use a F***, B***S***, D***, or J***A** to describe it.  I'm not against it per se.  You just probably won't see me doing it anytime soon.

Alas, once again I've proven I'm probably not going to be the cool pastor type.  Will they still accept me?

There I said it #1: I'm dying to go to a Taylor Swift concert

Redskins Season Review in One Word:  Disaster

Smacking Cheesecake #15:  This might be your waitor

Cheesecake Factory is Going Down (this is reality)

Nothing makes you feel more self-righteous, more big-headed, more full of your own self-worth than someone you barely know saying they enjoy reading your blog.  I mean, we're not even Facebook friends.  If that person, in your own mind at least, wouldn't be the kind of person you'd peg as a person interested in reading your ramblings that's all the more reason to think you're awesome.  So since that happened to me over the past month or so I decided that I better get back to writing about things only I care about, the demise of the Cheesecake Factory.  Hopefully people will continue to ignore me and then I'll be able to get back to the hard work of learning humility.

I like reading things like Fast Company and Inc. and from time to time the stock reports.  Entrepreneurialism is so fascinating to me.  In any case, during that reading I was extremely excited to find out that yes, as noted in the bottom line of the most recent installment of Smacking Cheesecake the Cheesecake Factory is starting to go down... as in their stock (CAKE) is not meeting prognosticator expectations.  Thus, investment dollars are starting to go elsewhere and the Kingdom of Heaven is certainly advancing on earth.  

Who is responsible for this?  Take a look for yourself:

click it and hear the full story

The stock basically topped out somewhere around July which coincidentally corresponds with the Smacking Cheesecake blog on the ridiculously long menu at the Cheesecake Factory.  Furthermore, the leveling out of interest in Cheesecake Factory stock took place in February which also happens to be about the time of the start of this blog.  That first entry began by pointing out just a bit of the awfulness of the Cheesecake Factory.  Irony?  Coincidence?  Pssst, please.

What does this all mean?  What exactly is being inferred here?  Hey, if a 64 year old woman can become the first person to swim 110 miles, in 52 hours from Cuba to Florida then a little blog like this one can bring down a seemingly constant gluttonous let-down in fine dining, The Cheesecake Factory.  It may have taken several months for this blog to take its affect on the corporate behemoth; however, just like Diana Nyad's struggles with jellyfish, sharks, and vomiting, this little blog can handle some writers block and lack of attention.

Jellyfish stings, writers block, laziness, don't you see the correlation?

Apparently investors are worried that the Cheesecake Factory is overextending itself... in other words the company is becoming the menu and their customers waistlines.  As Cheesecake Factory extends into Latin America they are losing quality and a focus on their domestic strengths.  

What's the the take away then here boys and girls?  When Diana Nyad hits the water sharks head for land.  And when the Cheesecake Factory tries to spread its sub-par flavors and inartistic factory style kitchens to the masses, the masses will eventually say, "Enough!"  (Or at least the stock market analysts will)

Fantasy Football Advice #2: Somebody in New England 

has got to catch the ball.

That's All I'm Sayin #1: Beth Moore's minions eat at 

the Cheesecake Factory

My Sister's Review of this Blog:  "You're losing it old man."